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BLACK LIVES MATTER

The only thing standing between you and the success you’re looking for, is you. In today’s episode, I share 4 steps to stop getting in your own way and learn how to finally turn your success switch on.

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Show Notes:

Episode Transcript:

Hello, hello what’s up my ladies, how is everyone doing? Hopefully all my lovely neighbours to the south safely enjoyed a wonderful Thanksgiving holiday. Our Thanksgiving in Canada was back in October and we just don’t do it up the same way you guys do. I wish we did, I love holidays and the traditions that surround them so the more they’re on steroids the better as far as I’m concerned.

 

Alright, let’s dive into today’s episode and the inspiration for this one was actually born out of what I talked about at the start of my last episode and that was getting a one-star rating. Which by the way I got another one after that episode. However it did not affect me at all, mostly because of all the women that personally reached out to me to make me feel better, which was like so seriously kind, sweet and thoughtful and it also prompted a bunch of you to leave more 5-star reviews so that was awesome too. 

 

The reason the whole incident inspired me to write this episode, was because I let one or 2 people out of the thousands that listen to this podcast, completely derail me. I wanted to shut down the podcast all together. Which is beyond ridiculous and I know that…when I’m using the conscious, rational, thinking part of my brain. The problem, is that is not where we live and it’s certainly not where we make most of our decisions. We make 80-90% of our daily decisions and take or don’t take actions from those decisions, from the unconscious part of our brain. We are completely unaware that we’re doing it and that is why we get in our own way over and over and over again. Now me wanting to shut the podcast down in reaction to that rating, was just an obvious emotional reaction and I was able to get to a more rational place and see it for what it actually is. That rating isn’t about me. I know this is not a 1-star podcast. In my rational thinking part of my brain, I know that whoever gave that rating – it’s about them and where they’re at in their life and business. They want me to feel bad to try and make themselves feel better and it’s really so sad. I actually really wish I could help them spend their time and energy more productively to create the life they want to live. But full disclosure they did make me feel bad. They did make me question myself and that’s because they triggered that thing that all humans have and it is a fundamental need to be valued and worthy. In my head, when someone gives you a one star they are intentionally telling you that they think you don’t have value and that you’re not worthy. 

 

That’s hurtful and I let it get to me, now granted it was only for 24 hours, but it still got to me. And then I felt even worse, because I am a certified Neurocoach. I have spent the last year being trained in neuropsychology and have mastered how to recognize how we get in our own ways and to teach people how to get out of the vicious cycle….and even with all that, it still happened to me. And that’s because we’re all human. Although it did trigger those feelings of being unworthy, I was able to kind of observe my thoughts and emotional response as being separate from myself. I didn’t internalize those feelings and unintentionally validate them where they get reinforced as part of your subconscious identity. Does that make sense? I know that I am worthy and I believe that I do have value to share and even though getting some one stars can challenge those beliefs and trigger those feelings of unworthiness, the work that I have done with brain priming core beliefs that serve me, that’s what helped me get back up, keep calm and carry on and all I have to say to you one star raters is ……

 

Alright, so today’s episode is all about helping you get out of your own way….both in the bigger more obvious ways like the example I just gave, but even more so in the little micro ways that you may not even recognize. So before you think to yourself, I’ve got a positive mindset and don’t think I really get in my own way that often, hear me out. If you’ve ever found yourself:

 

  • Procrastinating completing certain tasks
  • Or maybe avoiding doing something that you know you probably should – like setting up a youtube channel and starting to create videos for your website
  • Or maybe you find yourself easily distracted and tend to task switch
  • Or maybe you find it hard to commit to a daily routine or form new habits
  • Or maybe you suffer from shiny object syndrome and have all sorts of ideas of things you want to do with your business, but get overwhelmed and don’t know what to focus on first.
  • Or maybe you get in that cycle of things needing to be perfect before you put it out there.

Did you relate to any of that?? If so, those are all signs that your brain is interfering with your success. Whether it’s the big obvious ways or the micro ways, they both stop us from taking the actions that we need to take and it’s not taking those actions, that stops us from getting the results that we want. 

 

But why on earth do we do this to ourselves?? I’ve talked about this briefly in a few past episodes, but it’s worth repeating. As humans we have to hear things a million different times before we finally internalize them. 

 

There’s two main reasons we get in our own way:

 

  1. Number one, when you’re living out of a subconscious story, that you developed in childhood, that you do not have what it takes, that you aren’t enough, and you will be judged and discovered as lacking. When you make unconscious decisions to not take actions as a result of those subconscious beliefs – that is your brain trying to keep you SAFE.- Not successful. Our brains are not wired for success at all. Remember, its primary function is to keep you alive ok? It’s purpose is not to help you make $500k a year.

When this is where you live, you never take risks and instead stay in a “what if” place:.

“What if I fail?”

“What if something goes wrong?”

“What if they say no?”

“What if they think I don’t know what I’m talking about?”

In order to create success, you have to learn how to unblock the fear barrier your mind is using to keep you safe and start playing to win instead of playing not to lose. Does that make sense?

Our brains are super efficient and just like our muscles require glucose to move, our brains require glucose to think. So when you have thought the same thing over and over again. Your brain says ok we don’t need to keep expending glucose energy to think this same thought over and over again, so I’m just going to automate it and store it in the subconscious part of your brain as a belief, so that we don’t need to think about this anymore. So whenever you think self-limiting thoughts over and over again, your brain will automate those thoughts as a belief and you will make 80-90% of  your decisions and actions from that subconscious belief. How do you think that will play out in your day to day? Not very well right?! You will find yourself avoiding doing things, because your brain is trying to keep  you safe.

But if you keep doing what you’ve always done, you won’t get anywhere new. Because when we stay on auto-pilot, our business has no opportunity to take off. But it doesn’t have to be this way! I promise, you have everything inside you at this very moment to program your brain for success, but an autopilot subconscious doesn’t allow you to think the way you need to think to get the results you’re looking for.

 

Training how you think and reframing your core beliefs, is what separates the top 3% of the population, from the other 97%. The top 3% of successful people have essentially learned how to manipulate their own brains. They have learned how to use that incredibly efficient automation, to work FOR them, rather than AGAINST them. So instead of automating self-limiting beliefs into your subconscious, you use that same system to automate transcending beliefs about yourself and what happens when you make 90% of your decisions and actions from the belief that you’re a fricken rockstar? Well you can imagine…..

 

You won’t be afraid to try new things.

You won’t worry about what people might think of you when you put yourself out there.

You won’t ever think, I can’t do that or I’m just not good at that.

Instead you’ll have clarity, focus & confidence to do and try anything.

 

The other way that we get in our own way and it again it’s our brain’s fault, stems from the fact that our brains are also kind of lazy. It’s job is to keep you safe and familiar. So anytime we are learning something new and we get overwhelmed, that’s just your brain trying to get you to back off and go back to a safe and familiar place, so we have to recognize when that’s happening and learn how to override it.

Real estate is not always so easy. It’s filled with a lot of highs and lows. It’s filled with days where you’re on top of the world and then days where you just don’t want to get out of bed in the morning.

If you’re new to this business, it is going to test you and stretch you in ways that you never saw coming. It brings your deepest fears to the surface. Those fears and limiting beliefs that you learned as a child. Being a real estate agent or any entrepreneur for that matter,  requires you to get real with yourself and face those gremlins.

But we haven’t been taught how to do this…And as I’ve mentioned,, your brain isn’t wired for it naturally.  But the really amazing thing is…we have the power and ability to change and automate our brains to our advantage. Wouldn’t it be lovely to be able  to eliminate the thoughts that are holding you back? To stop thinking negative and self-destructive and self-sabotaging thoughts? To stop falling into overwhelm and procrastination? And not only get rid of those thoughts, but actually rewire your brain and rewire those thoughts for good?

If you don’t like what you’re thinking or the things you’re telling yourself… you can change it. You have got the power to change the automatic thinking that is holding you back. It’s 100% in your power to actually create your thoughts and form new beliefs that serve you instead of hinder you. 

There is a science based technique to remove the neural pathways that lead to overwhelm, procrastination, perfectionism, imposter syndrome, and all the ways the brain blocks you from your desired life, and has you playing small.

And there is also a way to build success neural pathways that allow you to get transformational results each and every time, without the hamster wheel of fear and overwhelm or using hustle and willpower, just to end up back in the same place again when your resolve and emotions run out.

We know that our results are ultimately determined by our subconscious automated beliefs. These beliefs can be reprogrammed using the NeurocoachingModel™. The model works for every problem, block, and limiting belief, as well as to create any habit or goal.

Learning how to get out of your own way is a 4-step process and it’s all about recognizing that some of the things you say to yourself are nothing but lies. They are simply not true. Your own brain is a liar and I thought it would be fitting to easily remember this 4-step process by using the word LIAR as an acronym – creative of me eh??!

Ok it stands for Learn, Invalidate, Alter, Repeat

Watch next time you catch yourself saying something negative to yourself you’re going to be thinking liar, liar pants on fire! And good, I want you to be thinking that, because that’s the second step, to invalidate the thought and belief. But let’s back up the bus….

Ok so the first step in rewiring your brain is to learn. We need to bring a high degree of awareness to our negative thoughts, so that we can start to piece together the underlying limiting belief. As I’ve said before, our thoughts are often automatic and unless we’re paying really close attention, we can often miss them. But what we don’t usually miss is the feelings they invoke. So use your feelings as a guide. Everytime you feel down, frustrated, overwhelmed, sad, etc. pay close attention to what you just thinking and write it down. It’s important that you physically write it, not type it and the reason is that there’s some mechanism in using the motor skills that helps take the underlying belief out of the subconscious part of your brain and moves it back to the thinking, logical part of the brain.

The next step is to Invalidate those negative thoughts and beliefs. I want you to go thought by thought and write down all of the reasons, and evidence and examples of why this thought is NOT true. 

Next I want you to alter the thought. You need to replace each of those lies with new truths. What thoughts do you need to have, to change the self limiting beliefs that you have?

Lastly, press repeat. It took a lot of repetitive negative thoughts to form the self limiting beliefs you have and it’s going to take just as many, if not more altered thoughts, to erase those old beliefs and form new ones that serve you better.

This is the premise of affirmations and although they are great and certainly better than doing nothing, they aren’t enough unfortunately. On their own, they won’t get you the transformation you’re looking for. This is where Brain Priming comes in and it is a process of scientifically re-wiring the neural networks in your brain to form new beliefs and turn on your success switch. Brain priming is the secret tool to learn how to use that automation process, to get your brain to work for you rather than against you. It helps you to form new identity-based beliefs and that is critical for it to work.

Here’s another interesting thing about our brains and our beliefs and if you only take away one thing from this episode, make it this. When I’m coaching clients and ask them why reaching their goals and being successful is important to them, I’ll often hear people say “when I reach this goal or status or level, it’ll prove to me that I am capable or smart enough or worthy enough and that I do have what it takes.”

Do you see the error in their ways? They think that they need to see the result first, in order for them to believe that they’re capable enough.  But the truth, is that you need to believe it, before you’ll see it. You have to believe you’re capable enough, before you’ll ever see the results that prove it. It’s the belief that gets you to reach your goals and become successful.

So reaching your goals is not going to fill your voids, you have to fill your voids, so that you can reach your goals. I hope that makes sense? It’s such an a-ha moment for many (I know it was for me) and really flips the lightbulb on.

Here’s the other problem with all of this and another major way we get in our own way. When it comes to changing your thought patterns and reversing beliefs, it takes work. Everyone knows that if they want to get healthy, making a decision won’t miraculously make you healthy. You’ve got to exercise regularly, you’ve got to change your eating habits, you’ve got to get more sleep etc. And if you do all that work and are in the best health you’ve ever been, you know that if you stop, you’ll go right back to the way you were before.

Well mindset work is no different. It takes consistent effort. It’s a lifestyle and just like it becomes easier to live a healthy lifestyle when you’ve made it a habit, it becomes much easier to have a healthy mindset when you’ve made it a habit.

And that is where so many people get tripped up. They don’t have a system or process for sticking with it long enough to form a habit. This is why so many people who are able to reach health goals they’ve set, have a fitness coach. When you’ve got someone accountable beyond yourself, you’re much more likely to see it through and for long enough that you develop a new habit around it….which, makes it so much easier to maintain, because it’s on auto-pilot and doesn’t require as much effort.

Starting, growing and scaling a real estate business is difficult to do on your own. Not only are you not accountable to anyone, but you don’t have anyone that can look at your business from a distance to see your blind spots. Because that’s exactly what they are, they’re blind spots – you can’t see them. You’re too close to your own business for starters, then add in there your self-limiting beliefs and it can be really difficult to get clarity and develop a strategy and an action plan to get you where you want to go. This is why working with a coach or mentor helps. You’ve got to have people around you that are going to advocate for your dreams and goals and vision and who can see your business a little more impartially and help steer you where you need to go and then be your cheerleading squad along the way.

Although my one-on-one coaching program only has one opening right now, I am launching a new small-group coaching program for 2021. It’s perfect for women who want to invest in themselves and their business, but who are maybe early on in their career and looking for something a little more affordable. These will be small groups of just 5 women and we work together to overcome all of the ways you’re currently getting in your own way and then I also obviously work with you and look at your business to develop a customized action plan for 2021. When you join my coaching programs you also get my new business planner, free access to all of my programs, which include building a custom real estate website, my online marketing program which teaches you the complete roadmap to attract new clients on autopilot with content marketing, social media marketing, email marketing, facebook & instagram advertising and using google and YouTube to grow your real estate business. It also includes access to my Presentations that Connect & Convert workshop and a new program I’m launching in 2021 called Optimize and Automate your Real Estate business which is all about setting up systems so that you can free up more time in your life. When you’re in my coaching world you also get access to my Tech Support for all your tech related questions as that can be yet another way we get in our own way – getting stuck and hung up on tech issues.

If you’re interested in learning more about this small group coaching program you can visit my website and go to the work with me tab. I’ll also link to it in the show notes. You can then set up a discovery call with me and we have a chat about whether it’s the right fit for you.

Alright before we wrap up this episode, just a quick recap on the 4 steps to stop getting in your own way and we use the word LIAR as an easy acronym to remember. Step 1 is to Learn by writing down your automatic negative thoughts and also paying attention to and writing down when you see yourself getting stuck with overwhelm, procrastination, distraction, avoidance, perfectionism and imposter syndrome. Start bringing more awareness to not only how you’re thinking, but also to how you’re behaving. 

Step 2 is to Invalidate those negative thoughts and beliefs. I want you to go thought by thought and write down all of the reasons, and evidence and examples of why this thought is NOT true. 

Next I want you to alter the thought. You need to replace each of those lies with new truths. What thoughts do you need to have, to change the self limiting beliefs that you have? How can you make those new identity-based beliefs? When beliefs are identity based, they start with I am. Not I am working on, not I am learning to, not I’m getting better at….no, no, no those thoughts just reinforce that you don’t have those beliefs yet. Identity based thoughts are I am capable of doing hard things, I am valuable, I am smart, I am successful. Remember you have to believe it before you’ll see it.

Lastly, press repeat. It took a lot of repetitive negative thoughts to form the self limiting beliefs you have and it’s going to take just as many, if not more altered thoughts, to erase those old beliefs and form new ones that serve you better.

If you want to learn more about brain priming and how it can transform your business and life, check out my small group coaching program for 2021.

That’s it for now, remember the more you learn the more you’ll earn.

Until Next Time.